Thursday 3 December 2015

I am mad... very mad! - Mad Matt



I think we all know the Kardashians are not talented, maybe that's why they deserve respect. Take a look at this. It will interest you really.



               I like to take pictures of the sun as it sets; I love to take pictures of green grasses, of purple hibiscuses or sun flowers. I think clear skies are beautiful so I save them on my phone to view later... I squat in the middle of the road to take a picture of those worker ants as they struggle to lift their newly found cockroach "kebab" to the colony. I take pictures of the can of 7up I just gulped. I take pictures of St Albert's Catholic Church, I think it looks great from "chicken eye view" therefore I must be mad. Ask the dozen pair of eyes that stare at me with unbelief, stark unbelief and not forgetting pity! Ask the other few really bold or blunt ones who tell me to my face that I'm mad. At first I didn't believe them but with time I found out 90% of people actually think I'm mad.  They must be right! But then again, they pay for these same pictures on shutterstock.com and most times I'm tempted to wonder what sort of sanity hates the process but loves the product...but I resist the temptation and just keep quiet so I don't get infected with their sanity.
     My beards are over grown, my trousers are either too short or too tight, but they're always never good enough in the eye of Mr public. My shirts are just the worst, too rumpled, too faded, too out-of-fashion and too many other negatives.... hmmm well, therefore I'm mad! Well, I sincerely agree with you on this one sha! I kinda look mad, but its majorly because my clothes look cheap, the truth is my allowance is meagre, I can't afford Nike shoes, I can't afford Gucci and Prada, ok, well maybe I can sha, but the wiredcampus.xyz (my start up) requires a lot of money and so I can't afford a lot of luxury right now and so do many people I know that wear them, they can't afford this shxt... and they're always running into financial trouble... before long they can't feed and guess who bails them out? Me! The mad man! And please all of you reading this that still owe me, pay up!
     Now, I don't like NYSC, I think it’s a disservice to our nation, by our nation. I also feel the educational system in Nigeria, from primary to tertiary, is a joke, a very stale one, I feel we ought to use what I call the "bullshit approach" in our teaching. It’s a five pronged fork. It requires that our children should be able to
·         First of all acknowledge the existence of bullshit.
·         Recognise bullshit aptly whenever they see it on the streets, on social media, on TV or from their leaders' mouth.
·         Develop a deep disgust for bullshit, bullshitting and bullshitters
·         Be equipped with the right pistols, Apache helicopters, jet fighters, nuke,  knowledge required  to combat bullshit
·         Have courage imbibed in them to tackle bullshit squarely.
     Then and only then can we rid our nation of this level of bullshit...
     I feel a large per cent of our leaders are actually really dull people, well and their followers too,  I feel campuses are a waste of space, I feel churches should pay tax, in fact I feel 95% of pastors are lying liars.
      I feel our policemen are incompetent, but, then I feel it’s what you get from cheap labour. I also feel they should go on strike to protest for better pay so they don't make up for the shortfalls by robbing us. I feel all religions tend towards violence, I feel Nigeria is not progressive but Biafra would not be any better, I do not support any football team, except the super eagles sha but that has not stopped me from calling them super chickens. I think Mikel Obi is the best player in the world. I think happiness exists only in our head. I would prefer a cool book to a cool movie anytime. I think the Kardashians shouldn't be stars. I think Nigeria can be clean so I keep my pure water sachet in my back pocket or back pack until I find a waste bin...but then that is if I find one, when I don't it stays there for weeks. Yea! You don't have to say I'm mad, the point of this is to stress that fact.
       I know the #wiredcampus will take a million people off the streets by 2017, my daddy thinks while its feasible, only a mad Nigerian can imagine it. My next book is titled "Matt, his madness and his melanin" , therefore I'm mad! I will employ a competent stranger over and incompetent brother, my parents think it must be an issue with my brain. I like taking on deep deep scientific, psychological, and social issues and usually I bore everyone around me. Needless to say, I like to think I'm a revolutionary, but it’s not one of the more popular sane jobs in Nigeria, it’s quite insane to want to innovate, we are Nigerians, let's just sit down and wait for the new iPhone 8 so we can rush to the stores again! But then I think not, so it’s an issue with my perspective,  I kinda see things from an insane point! Fine I agree!
       I don't go to church, I have issues with the charade, I feel it has nothing to do with being good or moral or even spiritual, I've seen good church goers and I've seen bad ones, I've seen good Christians, I've seen bad ones, even the ones that go and do not go to church, I've seen wonderful Muslims (I hope halimat is reading this, Shaka Mohamed too) , I've also seen the negatively wondrous works of shekau, so in my opinion there are only two kinds of people, no Christian, no Buddhist, no Muslim, no tall, no short , no rich, no male, no female... just good and bad!
       Therefore I'm mad... and errrrr I can't tie my lace... I can't eat without reading or read without eating or watching a movie... they go hand in hand! Therefore I'm mad! I feel conventional is boring and I agree with you that unconventional is mad! But it’s a price I'm willing to pay! Thank you for listening to my mad rants! You can go back to your sane business now.




Matthew Ose is an environMENTAL Biologist, whistle-blower, student of life and charles Darwin, book lover, cockroach hater, social commentator, hunk, talkative, proud owner of six packs, and God lover.

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