I had asked my neighbour who recently had her second kid why she hasn’t
bought a car to ease the stress of commuting to work with her baby
strapped to her back everyday and she responded by saying, ‘she’s
grateful to God that she’s married and does not have a car yet. That
marriage was her top priority and not a car. That she would have gotten
one if she wanted, only that she might not be married today as a result
of that. That she’s better off than the single matured ladies in her
office who are busy riding fancy cars and yet, have no home to call
their own. Then, she asks me ‘what is their joy in life asides the car?
Days after, I heard the sound of pain
that came from her lips as her husband pounded her and beat the daylight
out of her just few days after she put to bed. She packed her bags the
next day and wanted to leave until their pastor intervened.
She got married to the man after she
discovered she was pregnant for him. She cried bitterly because she
never loved him. Yet, she’s still in this marriage and opens her mouth
to abuse happily single ladies who are living their dreams.
A single woman in Nigeria is constantly
under pressure at every point of her life until the day she says ‘I do’.
The world has a template by which she must live her life. Society holds
the rule on how she’s supposed to behave, what she’s supposed to have
achieved at a certain age and to cap it all, when she’s supposed to get
married. People throw all sort of dirt at her, mock her at any slight
achievement or award she garners if her name isn’t tied to a man. If
this is the case, she hasn’t achieved anything in life. All her
achievement is zero without a man.
Her female colleagues who obviously envy
her single status, who have made a mistake in their own choice and want
her to quickly join the league also mock her to no avail at the
workplace. Because, if your marriage is really good and you got married
to the man of your dreams, you don’t announce it to the whole world
using a loud speaker. No. And you don’t engage in silly gossips mocking
others. No. The evidences would be there for all to see. It would be
easy to deduce. The soft glow in your eyes when he calls you up at the
office, the glint in your eyes when he picks you up from work, the pride
in your gait when he escort you to the salon and the way he looks at
you in public would speak volumes about your relationship. Therefore,
you need not brag to your friends before they know it. They would really
see for themselves and tease you about it.
However, to those in the second league
who aren’t so happily married, they are usually the ones forming groups
at work and taking a snipe at other young pretty ladies who are doing
well for themselves. Those ladies’ sins would even be greater if they
live in Apo, Maitama, Ikoyi, Banana Island etc and drive a very fancy
car. They would regularly be the centre of gist, envy, mockery and
scorn. Pray, when will women stop wounding women?
Can’t one be single and live a fulfilled
life? Is a woman’s success in life tied to the fact that she must
achieve her dreams only under a man’s roof or that her greatness is tied
to his name? Even when such men are undeserving of them. How did we get
to this point? How did the subject of marriage become so important over
every other thing in life including making heaven? Why can’t a lady
drive a fancy car without being asked if a ‘maga’ bought it for her? Why
must she continue to live under her parent’s roof even when she has the
means to get an apartment? Why is it that the question everyone asks is
‘when are we coming to eat rice?’- that’s one of the most incredulous
words I have ever heard in my twenty something years of innocent
existence on planet earth.
Hmmmm, being a successful female in
Nigeria without being married is not an easy matter. Even if you aren’t
popular like Linda Ikeji, what of those neighbors who mock behind your
back because you changed your car?
Are you a highly successful career minded beautiful spinster in town? Here are the things you do not deserve:
1) You do not deserve to settle for less
in a relationship for the fear of being alone. Perhaps family and
friends are telling you to lower your standards and marry ‘any’ son of
Adam that comes your way due to the fear that you won’t meet any man in a
long time? It’s all hogwash. Great things usually happen just at the
edge of giving up. Your own dude is nearer than you think. Just when you
think it’s over, something new is definitely coming your way. Wait!
2)You do not deserve a guy who
constantly cheats on you while you are dating. Yet, apologises and still
goes back to his vomit. Trust me Babe, you don’t deserve him one bit.
3)You do not deserve to be treated with
scorn or looked down upon because of your single state. Being single
isn’t a sin neither is it a permanent phase of life. Hear this, there is
no early or late marriage. Only God determines the appropriate time for
an individual. So, if you married in your twenties, that’s not an early
marriage. No, you only married at the appropriate timing for your life.
And if you married in your late thirties, it isn’t late as well. I
don’t know of anywhere that God himself distinguished a marriage as
being late or early. Stop the stereotype!
Dear readers, what do you think?
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