A young girl writes about an unforgivable sin of rape committed against her by her biological father which has led to pregnancy. She is thinking about absconding from home as she is mentally losing balance at the sight of her father.
Dear Tori News,
I am a regular visitor here and I have covertly read the diverse problems faced by Nigerian women. My name is Simisola from Ekiti state; I am in my early 20s and currently waiting for my NYSC call-up. I have to admit I have been dying in silence for the past three months from an unexpected traumatic experience that rocked my once peaceful life. It’s like my beautiful life is about to end. I am the only child of my parents. My mother owns a big boutique in Lagos. She is hardly in the country as she buys clothes abroad to sell in Nigeria. My father on the other hand is a civil servant. He is an amazing father who spends quality time with me by virtue of his free work schedule compared to that of my mom who is always out of the country.
The 22nd of August, 2015 is a day I will never forget in my life. My mother was away in Dubai as usual and a friend of mine awaiting NYSC call-up called me to come pass the night at her house but I declined. I just wanted to be alone. I prepared my dad's meal and set it on the dinning table at 9pm on that fateful day. Virtually around 15 minutes later, I heard the horn of my father's car. I had changed into my usual skimpy nightwear as I am prone to heat. I approached the door to welcome him. I was shocked to see him heavily drunk. He used to have issues with alcohol in the past and I really thought he had gotten over it.
He staggered as he gave me his bag. I wondered how he was able to drive home safely. I told him his food was ready. He stared at me and mumbled some incoherent words common among drunken people. He wasn't really looking good physically. I was kinda worried. I went close to him and supported him with my hands as I helped him to his room. I wanted him to at least take his bath to help him feel better. I tried to help him take off the native attire as he was struggling with it as it got entangled around his neck. In no time, he started vomiting. It was quite a drama. His eyes were red. It was too obvious he passed his drinking limit. I was getting scared and was almost tempted to call my mom. On a second thought, I remembered her hypertensive nature. I was praying fervently. I packed the vomit and tried cleaning my dad up. Suddenly, his countenance began to change; he was staring at me strongly and smiling in between.
As I bent down to tidy up his clothes littering his room, he grabbed me from my buttocks. I was terrified. As I turned to look at him following a reflex action, he tore my cloth and my breasts fell out. I knew I was in danger, I attempted to make it to the door but he grabbed me and threw me on his bed. He became so full of strength like an evil spirit possessed him. The ugly event was like a nightmare.
I never believed it was happening; it was like a beast took the image of my father. I tried screaming up all to no avail. He reached for my g-string pants and tore it into shreds. I have always had this dream of keeping my virginity till marriage. This has cost me several relationships as I have been adamant on abstinence from sex which doesn't go down well with several youths carrying insatiable urges. I am a very slim and lanky person; this made it easy for my muscular dad to manipulate my body easily. I tried biting him hard but it didn't work. In to time, I felt this huge rocky structure in between my legs and it was over. He thrusted hard till blood started gushing out of my private part. My virginity was gone. It went in a psyche-damaging way to my biological father. What a terrible fate.
The rape went on for a couple of minutes, his eyes were closed. Those minutes were like the longest period in my life.
Immediately he ejaculated, he fell on his bed and slept off. I cried profusely. I ran into the kitchen despite the little difficulty I had in walking due to the brutal nature of the sexual abuse. I picked up a knife with confusing intentions. I thought about stabbing myself to death. It was a difficult decision to make. I felt it would be bebetter for me to murder my dad for his heinous crime as I wept bitterly. I went into his room where he was fast asleep and snoring. I closed up on him taking a vantage position to stab him on his stomach but it was hard for me. This used to be my beloved dad for crying out loud becoming a monster over night.
I later went to my room. I cried till the next morning. I lost my voice and started feeling sick. When my dad woke up the following day, He probably saw the pieces of my torn clothes and pants on his bed coupled with blood stains. He got the picture. He approached me to confirm what he was thinking. He begged me with his life. Since then, both of us haven't been able to see eye to eye. He becomes a vegetable at the sight of me. Even my mother has noticed the strange development as I used to be too close to my dad. She has quizzed me about the unthinkable deed but I have refused to answer.
Two months after, I missed my period and fell sick. Blood tests revealed I am pregnant for my 55-year old father. It’s been a really hard time. I find it close to impossible to forgive him as well as forget that ill-fated night of madness. I will surely abort the pregnancy despite the risks the doctor educated me about but I don't think things can ever remain the same between me and my dad again.
Dear readers, is it really possible to forgive and forget such a crime that has given me the trauma of my life? The memories are haunting me. My heart bleeds when I see my dad every day. I experience constant flashbacks of the rape incident which in unsettling me mentally. What do I do? Do I live the house and never return.
Please your advice is needed.
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