Mad Matt's - Why We Should All Be Lazy

Article written by a crazy friend of mine and fellow blogger. This section is gonna be weekly. I must warn you, he is a mad fellow. Lol. Enjoy and watch this space.

I confess. I am lazy!

I’m perhaps the laziest person you would meet in your life, even if you manage to live for 200 years.

I hate to clean, but I can’t stay in a dirty place. I hate to wake up, I hate to… okay I lie, I’m not too big on the sleep thing, I sleep for like 4-5 hours daily….wait I digress… what were we saying…. Yes! I am lazy, but am I ashamed of my lazy self? Do I try to impress people by acting unlazy(sic)? do I wish I could be more hardworking?  Do I even care that people think I’m as lazy as f**k? well, the answer is a sincere “NO”. Here’s why.

     So, I spent seven years learning a 4 year course, so what? After all, at the end I was found worthy in character and learning, just like you were. If for anything, I think the school’s administration were the slow learners, what took them so long to know that they will eventually find me worthy sef… but again, I digress.

     Now, I can’t sweep! Or let me rephrase, I can’t sweep clean… but seriously so did the guy who invented the vacuum cleaner… I can’t even do the dishes or make them clean enough but then again I’m sure the guy who invented the dish washer , like me, feels dish washing is a very wicked punishment. Very very wicked! God! What could one do to deserve such cruelty? Kill Queen Eliza? Mtcheew.

   Now before you storm out of this article, let me make my point… be warned sha, it won’t stop you from storming out… I’m still not going to stop being lazy.

   So, my point is, I feel like Africans have great respect for hardwork, in fact, easy can’t be good.  Often times you hear people quiz “just like that?” with that look that effectively combines disbelief, distrust and most importantly disgust. You hear students argue “my school is more stressful than yours oh” and the other person feels offended and throws a counter argument using her lecturer’s barbarism as a tool to prove her point. Can you hinmangine?

    Our addiction to hardwork has killed innovation, we just want to maintain the former old and completely useless system rather than thinking up lazy workable solutions. Everything invented today was as a result of laziness, someone was just too lazy to trek to the market again under the scorching heat, oya he invented something that will be carrying him about. Say hello to the motor car. Heck, I hate climbing staircases; thankfully someone so lazy has given us the elevator and escalator.

      On a final note, our society has taught us to adjust to everything, if the hole is small, we shouldn’t widen it, let’s just shrink ourselves. My daddy sent me to school, paid so much money for my tuition, upkeep, new phones, clubbing, etc. but he didn’t do all these expecting me to invent, expecting me to be uncomfortable with the norm, he did it so I can come out and fit squeeze in to society’s crammed system of how things should work.  

     Until we start raising students who are too lazy to sit in boring 6 hour classes, we won’t develop a better and more flexible system, until we start having bus drivers who hate being held up in traffic, we will never invent a system that will reduce traffic jams… I could go on and on but I’m lazy, so I will just quickly dedicate this one to my lazy friends in university that took me to constitute nuisance every day and then we start reading one day to the exams, but I can’t forget the nigga that invented the TV remote, I love you sir! Who knows how many kilometres we would walk every day from the couch to the TV if that dude hadn’t been so lazy!

And all of you are lazy sef, you’re just lying!!!

                                                                                                                          MAD MATT

    

Matthew Ose is an environMENTAL Biologist, whistle-blower, student of life and charles Darwin, book lover, cockroach hater, social commentator, hunk, talkative, proud owner of six packs, and God lover.